Aliens, Sporks, and Beer

  • 100 pages
  • satire/comedy/sci-fi/college/coming of age
  • ages 13+

Chronicles the events that occur at a university after an interstellar assassin shows up to kill but instead falls in love.

Read the first act here: ASB – Act One

Cast of Characters


Will Savage: A twenty-year-old, awkward, intelligent college student. Will currently attends Waters University in Sunny Springs, Alaska on a Chess scholarship. He is majoring in physics which comes easy to him, giving him plenty of spare time to full around. In his spare time, he plays bass in his band Sex, Monkey radio,  He surfs the Alaskan coats, drinks in the dorms with his friends, and secretly writes songs that he shows to no one. He is roommates with Nick Waters.

Jared Levinson: A nineteen-year-old good-looking, slacker who thinks he is suave but is constantly putting his foot in his mouth. He is majoring in business, plays guitar and sings lead vocals in  Sex Monkey Radio. Jared also surfs. He has tons of personality and dynamism but has no idea how to use them to his advantage. Leaving him to just be a goofball and repulsive to women. His roommate is Cole Myers. He has a long-standing feud with Rob.

Cole Myers: A nineteen-year-old wanna be a perfectionist. He is majoring in English, and almost everything comes oo easily for him. He loves being a grammar nazi and knowing everything. He is the Ying to Jared’s Yang. Although not in the band, the two are roommates and rarely seen without the other one. A relationship that is bound to change as an alien shows up on campus.

Kevin Arlington: A twenty-one-year-old introvert. A quiet man, happy being unseen and in the back, he plays drums in Sex Monkey Radio. Being an upperclassman he is the only one who does not live on campus in his own apartment. However, he is still the only one in the group with an undecided major. Being quiet, and alone with his thoughts has definitely made him the weirdest one in the group. Its hard to get him to talk, but when he does it usually doesn’t make much sense.

Kyle Turner: A nineteen-year-old. Will met Rob and Kyle one day while surfing and they just started hanging out with him. No one asked them to, they just always show up. Kyle is majoring in psychology. He is roommates with Rob.

Rob Johnson: a nineteen-year-old philosophy student. He is a quiet observer. He one day hope to write the penultimate book on surf and ocean philosophy. He likes to think that je is zen. His friends insist he is not. He rooms with Kyle.

Sex, Mokey, Radio: Will Savage: Bass, Jared Levinson: Guitar/vocals, Kevin Arlington: Drums. A trio that brands themselves a rock band.  They regularly book gigs at bars and clubs around campus. They are in for some changes with an alien entering into their musical dynamic.

Nick Waters: A 22-year-old who should be graduating but has another two years of college at least. It’s not a coincidence that his last name is Waters and he is attending Waters University.He is a trust-fund baby but promised himself that he would make it through college on his grit. He has never chosen a major and just floats through life on a cloud of confusion. He is Will’s roommate and also his biggest opponent in the upcoming student council election.

Alish Fringo: An extra-terrestrial being from an unknown planet. in human years, she’d be about one-hundred-years-old but looks like a human in her mid-twenties, minus the purple skin. She works as an interstellar assassin and has come to Earth to, you know assassinate. She is good at her job, being the number one assassin in her guild, leaving her turned off by all male assassins. She sees them as weak and sees another type of strength in Will.

Nack: A small android who is Alish’s personal assistant. He looks after her ship while she is on assignment, and keeps up all of her correspondence.

Sarah Porter: A nineteen-year-old beer drinking redhead who lives life by the seat of her pants. She lives to party and doesn’t care about much else. She is majoring in farrier science, something that no one understands, but Cole tries his best, who she starts dating five minutes after meeting him.

Tasha Thompson: The only native Alaskan in the group, she is 20 years old and majoring in physical education. She was raised by her father in a small town of less than a thousand people. She takes shit from no one and gives it as often as needed. Since coming to college and having “female” friends she has tried to develop any measurable amount of feminity, this has had mixed results. Most people tend to keep their distance from her. Lacking an opinion on most thinks, Kevin has no problem letting Tasha tell him what his opinion is and thus starts dating her.

Cindy Dawson: At 23 years old Cindy has made her fair share of mistakes. She came to college a high school academic star and failed her first two years. She straightened out by consuming herself in her studies: product design. Vowing to never fuck up like she did again, she lost almost all of her social life and now takes any friends that will put up with her social awkwardness. After will turns her down, she starts dating Nick.

Other Characters

Mandy Olsen (20)

Emma Walters (20)

Wendy Peterson(18)

Laura Sonderon (22)

Carl Scott (20s)

Harold Hill (60s)

Read the first act here: ASB – Act One

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